


Episode 1

by RainbowArches



Series: The Crack Team From Agent Carter Season 8 [1]
Category: Agent Carter (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: (Nick and Hank), (Nick and Jan), F/M, Friends With Benefits, Gen, Immature baby agents, Love/Hate, No Plot/Plotless, Silly, Stars Wars makes them crazy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-20
Updated: 2016-02-20
Packaged: 2018-05-22 00:14:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6063508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainbowArches/pseuds/RainbowArches
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Star Wars and romance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Episode 1

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't watch Ant Man and I can't retain anything I read in the comics, so you may or may not want to think of this as an AU.

Peggy loved heels for several reasons, most of which had to do with the damage they inflicted upon her enemies. But also to do with the _click clack_ sound they made as she strode down the halls, how everyone who heard it straightened up and stood at attention and turned their heads to get a glimpse of the director. She wasn’t power mad or anything, but how could anyone not appreciate an affect like that.

Of course Jason and Howard were immune now. She could _click clack_ like thunder into the lab with a “And how are we today, boys?” and they wouldn’t notice for a good twenty minutes. Or perhaps they were ignoring her. Perhaps they thought she was power mad and needed grounding.

Whatever. It wasn’t attention she was after, it was results. She could deal with being ignored for the greater good.

Still, it was with wistfulness that she remembered Howard making up excuses to give her and Jason privacy whenever they were in the same room. It was the Pavlovian response to the _click clack._ The honeymoon was long over, apparently. Even Jason’s attention couldn’t be torn from the whiteboard.

Peggy came to a halt just behind Howard and Jason without bothering to announce herself. She didn’t need them to explain to her what they were mumbling about; she’d become quite good at parsing the scribbles and diagrams that appeared around the lab over the years. She studied the white board until she figured out what she was looking at. Then she spoke up.

“A lightsaber. This may be a stupid question, gentleman, but why?”

“Why?” Howard scoffed. “C’mon, Peg. You saw the movie. You know why.”

“We’re building one for you too,” Jason said.

“That’s sweet of you but it’s not just the three of us who will want one. If you build one for the three of us you’ll have to build one for everyone, and then they’ll inevitably end up on the market for any idiot with money.”

“But… we’re so close,” Howard moaned.

“This is SHIELD; not Stark Industries. I’m still waiting on that containment unit. You know? The one for the flu slug that’s been clogging the hospitals? Is that ready yet?”

“Oh that. Yeah we finished that ages ago and sent it along with a team. They’ll be back any minute.”

“Good. A little notice next time would be nice.”

“Sure thing, Director.”

 

* * *

 

“She’s mine!”

“She’s _mine_!”

“You f—“

The resounding crash that followed was inevitable. Janet sighed sadly, mourning some very expensive equipment but continued sketching her armour ideas instead of turning around to see what broke.

_Click clack click clack click-_

“Good lord.”

Of course the director would choose that very moment to pay them a visit. Janet spared a glance for the director’s expression. The sight of Nick and Hank battling it out on the floor didn’t appear to be new to her. That was actually a relief, knowing Peggy had seen this before and they still had their jobs.

“Don’t tell me they’re fighting over you.”

“No,” Janet said. “Princess Leia.”

Peggy lingered a moment longer and left without comment. Another crash and Janet set her designs aside in favor of reworking the lab’s budget.

 

* * *

 

Nick and Janet barely made it through the door before they were banging against the nearest surface post-mission, but there was no such adrenaline high after spending hours in unexpected freezing rain. Shivering, they stumbled to her bedroom, peeling off wet clothes as they went.

Janet hastily changed into her yellow silk pajamas. Nick was left naked and shivering in the middle of the room. “Wait. What am I going to wear now?”

“Oh. That’s a good question.” Janet frowned and thought about it for a moment. Then she picked up her comb and started running it through her hair.

“Does Hank have clothes here I can borrow?”

“Why would Hank have clothes here?”

“Are you telling me he doesn’t have clothes here?”

“No, he doesn’t.”

“Huh.”

Nick picked up the bedspread and wrapped it around himself. Janet glared at him because _that wasn’t what the bedspread was for,_ but he was freezing and she was the one who insisted on a sleepover at her place.

The spread was big enough that it trailed along on the floor on his way to the kitchen. He poked around in the fridge and the cupboards, taking stock.

“I can make spaghetti,” he called.

“Have at it.”

They were responsible and didn’t touch the wine until they had something in their stomachs, but it was the wine they were after. They wanted to get drunk in front of the T.V. and be silly and get hysterical over everything. But they passed out halfway through their second glass.

 

* * *

 

“Contessa Valentina Allegra de Fontaine.”

“Wow, that’s quite a mouthful,” said Hank, blinking owlishly. “One more time?”

The Contessa smiled. “Contessa Valentina Allegra de Fontaine.”

“Contessa Valentina Allegra de Fontaine,” Nick recited.

“Show-off,” Hank grumbled.

“It’s really not that hard.”

Howard appeared behind them, clapping one hand on Nick and Hank’s back each. “Glad you boys could make it,” he said with drunken cheerfulness. Even Howard couldn’t enjoy a Stark ball without a few drinks in him first. “Contessa! Always a pleasure my dear.”

The Contessa took Howard’s proffered hand in hers and he kissed it.

“These two have been behaving themselves, I hope,” Howard said. Nick and Hank exchanged a glance over Howard’s shoulder.

“Better than you, Mr. Stark,” the Contessa purred.

“Careful,” he joked. “Don’t let my wife hear.”

“Oh, is Maria here?” the Contessa asked, perking up deliberately and scanning the room. “I’d love to see her again.”

“Uhhh, no. I think she’s putting Tony to bed. Again. I’ll go check.”

Nick and Hank watched their boss scamper away before directing their charm back at the Contessa, who watched them obligingly.

“SHIELD sent us to seduce you,” Nick conferred to her. She humoured him with a surprised noise while Hank elbowed him in the ribs, hissing “ _You can’t just blurt it out like that!”_

“So.” Nick slid into her space as she placed a cigarette between her lips, lighting it for her. “Are you seduced?”

The Contessa took a long thoughtful drag on the cigarette, then handed it to Nick with a twinkling smile and left without a word.

“She’s into me,” Nick said, putting the cigarette to his lips.

Hank rolled his eyes and stormed off.

 

* * *

 

Peggy didn’t have to look up to know it was Jason knocking on her office door. “What can I do for you, Doctor?”

“Please. Call me handsome.”

She smiled despite herself. She looked up at Jason grinning at her, hands in his pockets, posture relaxed. “Another long night?”

“I’m afraid so.”

“Delegate it.”

Peggy cocked an eyebrow at him. “That would be an abuse of power.”

Jason matched her expression. “Really? Cause it looks like you're swamped with paperwork. I know you want to set an example but I won’t tell anyone if you slack off this once.”

Peggy huffed and didn’t move from her desk. “I will be home in a few hours. You’re dismissed, Doctor Wilkes.”

Jason moved behind her and started massaging her shoulders. He wasn’t good at it, but it was affectionate and sweet and she appreciated it anyway.

“You’re tired,” he said.

“I’ll live.”

“And cranky.”

She sent him a glare, which he couldn’t see the way he was positioned but she was sure he felt it. “I am not.”

“You are too. Come on. Turn in early tonight. Start fresh in the morning.”

He bent down and kissed her shoulder. She’d lost the argument the moment he stepped into the office, but now she was done dragging it out.

“I ought to write you up for insubordination,” she grouched as Jason helped her into her coat.

“You can do that in the morning, after breakfast.”

 

* * *

 

Nick had assumed that any boat Howard owned would be fun. He thought spending a month on the ocean would be like a vacation. It wasn’t as big as he thought it would be and it was cold all the time. There was nothing to do but look for Captain America, which, yeah, was the point of this excursion, but still. A whole month on one of Starks boats and he was miserable. He was being punished for something. Why else would Peggy have sent him? No way did she buy his polite “hmms” at all her Captain America stories. Why would she send him?

“First thing I’m going to do is throw him a party,” Howard said. “A fondue party. I don’t know if that’s a thing but I’m going to do it. He’ll get it.”

“You think he’s alive, sir?”

Howard shrugged, whisky sloshing around in his glass. He didn’t look cold at all in just a sweater. “Who knows? I’m going to throw him a party anyway.”

Nick had given up convincing him that drinking on this mission was a bad idea. He burrowed down into his jacket, breathing hot air against his collar to warm up his nose.

“Remember what my son looked like at seven? All skinny and knobbly and short?”

“Uh-huh.” Nick met Tony once at his baby shower and that was it, but Howard didn’t care if Nick was listening or not. “That’s what Steve looked like at twenty-five. Easy to overlook him, but we weren’t after muscle. You know what inspired SHIELD, right?”

Nick sighed and stopped listening. Howard got like this every evening. _Stop talking to me about Steve Rogers. I am sick of hearing about Steve fucking Rogers._

“What’d they teach you about Steve when you were in school, Nick?”

“Same damn story every damn time,” Nick mumbled into his jacket.

Howard continued like he hadn’t just asked anything. “Bet they didn’t tell you he was a lousy poker player…”

 

* * *

 

“So,” Nick grunted, gripping Janet’s hips but being careful not to bruise. “Hank ask you out yet?”

Janet bit back a moan, arching her back as Nick pounded into her. “I wish you wouldn’t ask me about my love life at times like this.”

Later, in the bath, trying not to fall asleep, “I’m just saying you could give him a hint. He’s just going to keep pining unless you let him know you’re interested.”

Janet splashed him.

 

* * *

 

“I saw her take out a man with one punch. He was twice her size. Twice _my_ size, even.”

“One time she made her target cry just by looking them.”

“One time she made someone wet themselves just by looking at them.”

“Was it you?”

“No!”

_Click clack click clack._ “And this is the lab. We’re getting- oh no.”

Janet smiled at Peggy, who was standing with the Contessa in the doorway and watching Nick and Hank brawl on the floor. Peggy looked at Janet.

“You, this time,” Janet said.

Peggy steered the Contessa away from the door. “Let’s move along.”

 

* * *

 

Janet and Val barely made it to the restroom before they burst into laughter.

“I’ve never seen them so well behaved!” Janet exclaimed.

“Neither have I!” Val agreed. “And I’ve know them a total of ten minutes!”

They went to the mirror to touch up their makeup. Janet watched Val trace her lips with a tissue, wiping off any lipstick that might have escaped the lines. She dug around in her purse and handed Val a little tube. “Here. Try this.”

“What’s this?” Val asked, taking it.

“It’s magic. That’ll keep it neat until you’re ready to take it off.”

Val ran it over her lips once and handed it back. “Now we need to do the test.”

Janet smirked. “Why? Don’t believe me?”

“Oh, I believe you. I just like doing the test.”

Val’s matching smirk was unnecessarily tempting. Janet leaned in and kissed her, open mouthed, tongues. They went all out when they did the test.

They broke apart and Val quickly checked herself in the mirror. “What do you know? It works.”

“Told you. Let’s get back before the boys get us kicked out.”

 

* * *

 

Jason had been very firm with Nick and Hank about how they were to conduct themselves in the lab and any other SHIELD facility. Firm in a way Peggy had never seen him. She quite liked it.

It seemed to have worked- no one liked disappointing Jason- but even so, she had to brace herself every time she neared the lab for fear she'd have to ask Howard for another loan.

Nick and Hank were sitting on the floor with a six-pack between them, chucking cards into a bucket.

“Dare I ask?”

Two heads turned to her forlornly. “The girls are on a date,” Hank said.

“We’re sad,” Nick clarified.

“Yes you are. Very, very sad. Perhaps you could be sad in your own homes and not in my lab.”

Jason appeared behind Peggy’s shoulder, dressed in a suit. “Ready to go?”

“Yes, I think so.”

Jason looked at Hank and Nick, amused. “Good to see you two getting along.”

“We’re sad.”

“Whatever keeps the lab in one piece.”

He escorted Peggy out, arm in arm. “Poor helpless lumps. I almost feel bad for them.”

“Don’t,” Peggy warned. “That’s just what they want.”

“Should we leave them money for pizza at least?”

“You’re falling right into their trap.”

“Why don’t we just take them with us?”

“Now you’re just being an ass.”

 

* * *

 

“Tell you a secret,” Val said as they swayed to the music. She leaned in so she could whisper in his ear. “I’m going to rule the world. And you’ll have a hell of a time trying to stop me.”

Nick smiled and turned his head slightly so their cheeks brushed. “Are we all just pawns in your nefarious plans?”

“I have nothing nefarious in mind.”

Nick huffed through his nose. “Tell you a secret.” He leaned closer so he could whisper in his ear. “I never trusted you for a second.”

Val beamed at him, eyes shining with delight as Nick tried not to laugh, and they kissed in the middle of the dance floor as other couples- mostly rich, mostly evil- danced around them.

 

* * *

 

“Peggy, look! I have a shiny rock on my finger!”

Peggy laughed excitedly at the hand Janet shoved under her nose. It was an impressive rock. “Congratulations darling! Um… who gave it to you?”

“Hank, of course! Will you come to the wedding?”

“Of course I will. I wouldn’t miss it.”

“Yay!” Janet threw her arms around her in a quick hug and then rushed off to tell someone else.

Peggy made her way to the lab to offer her congratulations to Hank. When she got there Nick was holding a paper bag to Hank’s face for him to breath into and rubbing circles on Hank’s back.

“Good lord, Hank. Breathe. You’d think the wedding was in an hour the way you’re acting.”

Nick frowned. “Wedding? What wedding?”

“He proposed. He and Janet are engaged now.”

Nick’s face lit up. “That’s great! Congratulations!” he said, shaking him a little. “Wow. An engagement and a baby in one day.”

Peggy’s eyebrows shot up. “Baby?”

“By the way, I forgot to tell you,” Janet said, bounding up to Peggy. “I’m pregnant!” And she dashed off again.

Hank peered at her from over the bag, the corners of his mouth turned up sheepishly. “I’m just… so excited… I can’t- I can’t-“

“Okay, okay,” Nick soothed, bringing the bag back to his face. “Deep breaths.”

 

* * *

 

Peggy and Howard collapsed onto opposite ends of the couch in Peggy’s office, careful not to spill the whisky.

“Well,” said Howard. “It only took thirty years but I think SHIELD’s finally coming along.”

“I think that’s as far as we’ll ever get. We are quite old, after all.”

“Bah,” said Howard. “No we’re not. There’s no SHIELD without us.”

Peggy pondered this, but not too hard because she was tired and she wanted this to be a happy drink. She lifted her glass and Howard tapped it with his, closing the day with a satisfied _clink._

 


End file.
